I was speaking to this uncle of mine (not my real uncle, just someone i met) and i uncovered some interesting bit of trivia. "You belong with your own people". He, a really kind man, has been living in Australia for more than thirty years, has three kids; once ran a very successful Indian food business, one of the first in town; drives a RA4 and a merc. Loves the weather, the place and claims he is comfortably home. Has become old now, kids born in this country grew up to be more Australian than Indian. Once during our conversation i expressed my desire to go back home once i finish my course and he was amazed. Rightly so, because the India he had left was the one where anyone who got an opportunity, left to never come back. Though his argument to convince me to stay here was that caught my imagination. Uncle: Beta kya rakha India me beta.. Ghar ke bahar niklo, log goli mar dete hain (what is there in India son..you leave the house and people come and shoot you). I thought it was the Slumdog Millionaire effect maybe but then it was'n over. Uncle: wahan toh saaf paani bhi nahi aata, hospital nahi hain, doctor nahi hain, aadhe log toh bimaari se hi mar jaate hain (there is no clean drinking water, no doctor, half the people might be dying of disease). I could'n respond to this one too making him start to wonder if i was telling the trust about being from India. He went on saying - yahan dekho saaf hawa hai, kitna accha lagta hai (look here the air is so fresh and its so nice here). While i nodded my head to this, i had no idea what was coming. After 5 minutes Uncle - In goron ko dekho.. nikle hain party karne sab shaam hote hi.. zindagi toh inhi ki hai.. humare me toh kaam karte aur paise kamate hi zindagi guzar jaati hai.. (look its these white folks, how they come out every evening heading for some party. Only they have a life; we spend all of ours working hard and earning money) and this intrigued me. Why would he say that if he thinks he is an Australian after more than 30 years of staying here. Shouldn't he like all that.
Few more conversations and comments and i knew he wasn't an Australian. He just loved the weather, the beaches, the ever so favorable exchange rate, big house, cars and yet was unhappy. He complains a lot though that is expected at his age, i still wonder why. In marketing their is this concept Hofstead called Individualism/Collectivism. Which basically states the extent to which people in a culture look after their own interests and those of their family and where ties are loose. Simply put it means, that in any western culture, individualism is high while in Indian, collectivism. Uncle came here to make a fortune for himself and his family, he made it, brought them here, allowed his children to grow up in a western society and so could never go back. The vicious cycle of his family made him forget what he really wants from inside and its been so many years that he wont even recognize it. When his elder son refuses to marry and the youngest sits at home unemployed, living on unemployment pension, he blames this culture; blames god. His children are happy; while he is not. He wants nothing but to return home deep inside and yet he cant. He is afraid that it has changed a lot since he left it. It will not accept him anymore. So he disowns it believing its still as backward as it was when he left it. Telling himself that the reasons because of which he left still exist, more as an attempt to convince himself than anyone else. He is stuck in between now. Cant go home while it being the only thing he craves for.
I don't generalize that every Indian living abroad faces this. But we all leave our homes in search for something. We seek something and soon get consumed by the journey such, that in spite of reaching what we set out to achieve, we keep going. We try so hard to be home where we are that we become scared of going home. "A man travels around the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it" as was posted by one of my friends on Facebook recently. You belong among your people and this opinion is mine and only mine (in case anyone does not agree.
Final dialog:
Uncle: Aap shirdi gaye hain (have you been to Shirdi)
Me: Haan uncle, kai baar (Yes uncle many times)
Uncle: Hume dekho, tees saal se Sai baba ki bhakti kar rahe hain.. roz diya jalate hain (look at me; i have been his devotee for 30 years now)
Me: Thats very nice uncle
Uncle: Kehte hain Sai Baba jab shirdi bulate hain, tab hi unke darshan hote hain.. Hume tees saal ho gaye, abhi tak nahi bulaya.. batao (They say that you cannot visit shirdi till Sai baba himself calls you there.. i have been worshiping him for thirty years now, he still has'n called me)
Me (not out loud): Yes, mostly he sends a return ticket with an invitation letter. I think you should call and ask.
I did laugh on this one; Couldn't control while solemnly making the decision, i am going home mate, i don't belong here.
-MS
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